highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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