The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
