Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
