Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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