i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
