why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
