so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
