I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
