i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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