I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
