I cut my penus on the lid.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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