when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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