This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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