i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
