Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
