Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
