Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
