so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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