are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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