i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
