It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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