one two three fourrrrnication!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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