So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
