can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
