That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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