i can't believe i had my finger in that
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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