please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize