My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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