I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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