the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
