here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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