the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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