i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
