I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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