My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
