We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
A+ Viking dick
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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