Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
