dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
