Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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