I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
pray to the hookup gods
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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