Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize