so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
