When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
