I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.