This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?