Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
