I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.