If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
