Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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