Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i will never coherently bang her
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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