my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
