my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
love makes seman taste better
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
