It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
