Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
