im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
