Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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