her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
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Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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