Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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