After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
