Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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