____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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