And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
